Full Contact
by pillsandchills
Summary: Random drabble from Root's POV on Shaw's unexpected need for contact. Written in the same universe as Barely Human, so Shaw is a teenager when she first meets adult Root.


Sameen Shaw is a sociopath, or at least you're pretty sure she is. She is symptomatic of an axis II personality disorder, but also likely social (pragmatic) communication disorder. Regardless of your DSM V diagnosis (you read it because you love her, not because you care about this psychology nonsense that Harry is always talking about), emotions for her are muted and unimportant. What is important to her though, is contact, and you learned that about her early on. The first night she stayed with you, she walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water, she was chewing her lip and silently scanning the room. You walked up and got a glass for yourself, placing your hand on the small of her back to balance yourself as you reached above her for the glass, in that moment you felt her body deflate and relax. You shared a bed with her, and even on the first night she made sure her arm was in contact with yours for the entire time.

Touch reassures her, and grounds her, so instead of drowning her in words, you just keep in constant physical contact with her. It's a fine line though, because while Sam needs a lot of contact, she's extremely uncomfortable with affection. When she was younger, sixteen or seventeen, she would climb into your lap when you were coding. It wasn't a regular thing, she'd only really do it when you hadn't slept for a few days, or hadn't paid her enough attention (she'd never admit that though). She liked the sound of you typing, it was one of the first personal things she had ever told you, and would fall asleep against your chest. But the minute you would drop a kiss to the top of her head, she'd jolt like there was lightning shooting up her spine,

"Don't Root, I hate that," she'd turn and give you a frown that would melt and break your heart all at once. So you cooperated and you tried to not smother her, it was difficult though, you loved her the minute you met her. And then she got shot. The first time it happened, she was eighteen and broke too many bones from a nasty fall, and the minute you heard about it you vomited all over your shoes. You flew back from New Zealand and almost killed Harry and John, who were honestly only saved by the fact that Shaw woke up at the exact moment where you were about to go all Jason on their asses.

"You're crushing my broken body," she had said to you that night when she woke up from you holding her too tightly in your sleep. But after that point things changed, and while it probably had more to do with the fact that Sam never wanted to see you cry again (it had almost been comical how horrified and panicked she had looked), you liked to think it was because she was warming up to you. She would wake you up when she had nightmares and pull your hand into her hair (she'd say it was cause she liked when you scratched her head, but once she admitted that maybe she just wanted you for a minute), was ever so slightly more tolerant of your sneaky forehead kisses, and sometimes you could even get a smile out of her.

Just when you two finally began to find a rhythm though, fucking Samaritan tried to kill both of you. Sam stopped speaking to you for a gruelling few months after you didn't let her sacrifice herself (did she really think you were going to let her?), but after you almost died she changed. Every time she touched you after that, she was trying to crawl inside of you. She pulled herself closer and closer, and all you could really do was hold on. On more than one occasion she accidentally tore a hole in your shirt because she was gripping too tight. She told you she loved you, and it just about broke you, but it also made everything worth it. Because that's the thing with Sameen Shaw, she never tells you what's going on in that giant brain of hers, and even though you love her more than life itself (you've sacrificed your body and almost life more than once to try and save her), loving her is exhausting. Not knowing what she wants is exhausting, and her expecting you to just know is exhausting.

Now, Sam is twenty one and you're thirty seven (how in the hell did that happen?), she's going to graduate from med school soon and your heart may explode with pride when she does. You've finally reached a level with her where you can tell her you need her to use her words sometimes (it helps that you're sleeping together, she's very cooperative once she's on orgasm number six), and she's stopped ripping your shirts trying to pull herself closer (except most of the time you just take it off). So yeah, Sameen Shaw is probably a sociopath, and most people misinterpret her for just being really rude, but she's yours and she's sleeping on your chest and tonight may be the night you just never let go.


End file.
